Ten tips for authentic living
And how to be true to yourself
It’s about eight years to the day that I made some huge life changes. One was to end my thirty-year marriage, the other was to let go of career aspirations that were seriously damaging my health, and last but seriously not least was to focus on being true to myself.
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. - Bronnie Ware - Regrets of the dying
It’s not easy to live your life going against the grain because it can put you in difficult situations but the alternative for me is to compromise on my well-being. You see I came to realise that for most of my life I’d been very accommodating, always saying sorry, being ever so polite and inside feeling like screaming!! This I now understand is how we are conditioned, to be good girls and take our place in society. While men have to overcome years of being told to “be strong!”.
Living authentically is something I’ve made a strong commitment to because it is the only way to protect my personal freedom. To be able to live my life according to what I want rather than what is expected of me I had to break free from some ingrained beliefs.
I thought it might be useful for me to share my ten tips for authentic living:
I no longer buy into the idea that for a relationship to be valid it must look a certain way. Society might have us believe that a “real relationship” should be between two people, it must be “romantic” and last forever but that doesn’t make it true. A relationship that lasts one week might teach us more than one that lasts for years. We may give or get more love in a few days than we have in decades. We are all different and as such how we relate will be different. Don’t feel strange or dysfunctional if your relationships don’t fit in the general narrative.
I no longer look outside myself for happiness because true happiness cannot be gained through things or other people. If our internal world is a mess, full of self-critical thoughts, how can we experience happiness? So, I made a commitment to constantly refine my internal world, so it becomes rock-solid and stable. That way whatever happens out there cannot knock me for too long.
I no longer focus on appearances. A healthy body is important because without it we can not live in this world, so I eat well, take exercise when I feel like it, and avoid unhealthy toxic environments. From my experience, I see that stress, anxiety, and negativity are far more dangerous than having a body that does not conform to society’s view of beauty. Instead of focusing on fitting into the media’s idea of what you should look like, isn’t it better to make sure you are being the best person you can be? And one more point here, if someone is going to love you or even be your friend because you look a certain way, seriously they do not deserve a space in your life - just a thought.
My space is my sanctuary. My space is where I go to be replenished and take care of myself. And because of this, I am selective about who and what is allowed to enter my world. If anyone or anything is harmful to my wellbeing, then I let it go. Selfish is a word that is too easily used by society to stop us from looking after ourselves and yes there is a reason for that, look at how much money is generated by the wellness sector.
I am no longer attached to anything (except my children, I am comfortable with that one). By attachment I mean I have adopted an attitude of “I’m good with it and I’m equally good without it, either way, is fine with me”. This way I can enjoy what I have and when it’s gone I let it go. To be fair to others around me, I make sure I communicate this early on because others can struggle to understand what non-attachment means.
I try to live inflow. I know that I am most productive and creative when I’m in flow rather than constantly letting my intellect get in the way. Creation can only happen when we get completely lost in the moment and trust the next step will be exactly as it’s meant to be.
I stopped buying into the idea that we must be happy every second of the day because happiness, just like everything, comes and goes. I’ve learned to be comfortable with the darkness in my life because this too is part of the human experience. I understand that our resistance to our dark parts is what causes them to stay around longer but when we turn towards them and welcome them in, they loosen their grip.
I believe love is not something we get; it is something we are. You can’t find love, its not a thing that needs to be found, we just need to remember that love is right there, inside every one of us. You don’t need someone else to give you love or for you to give love too, just be love. Go sit in the middle of a forest, or stop and stare at the stars, this is true love. Be yourself, let go of self-denial, accept yourself in all your entirety, and then you will experience a love that is truly authentic.
I no longer worry that people won’t like me or that they may not understand me. I don’t need validation from anyone else but myself. I understand that everyone has their own perspective, so best let go of trying to seek approval. Being authentic means living your own truth, however much that might be misunderstood.
And lastly but not least, I take risks and trust my instincts. I don’t need to know all the answers and sometimes I just take a leap of faith, using my experience and wisdom as my guide. Because if I don’t follow my heart I may never meet the best version of myself.
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