Is Happiness a Choice?
In our recent life coaching group supervision session, we delved into the concept of 'learned helplessness'. Coined by Martin Seligman in 1967, this term has since become a cornerstone of psychological understanding. But what exactly does it involve?
Learned helplessness manifests when individuals, whether human or animal, become conditioned to anticipate pain, suffering, or discomfort without any perceived means of escape (Cherry, 2017). Over time, this conditioning leads to a resigned acceptance of the suffering, even when opportunities for escape present themselves.
What Seligman's research revealed is that learned helplessness is not an inherent trait; rather, it is acquired through experience. We are not born with this condition, but rather it develops over time in response to environmental cues.
Individuals who lean towards this perception of helplessness are at a higher risk of succumbing to depression. After all, the belief that one cannot alter their circumstances serves as a significant catalyst for numerous mental health issues.
Seligman's research revealed that while some individuals developed 'learned helplessness', others exhibited 'learned optimism' or 'resilience'. These individuals possessed the capacity to interpret events positively and maintain a belief in their ability to influence their circumstances. Moreover, they demonstrated resilience by bouncing back from adversity and maintaining a positive outlook despite challenges.
Both 'learned optimism' and 'resilience' represent proactive and adaptive responses to difficulties, standing in stark contrast to the passivity and resignation associated with learned helplessness.
How does this help us understand happiness?
By integrating the findings of Seligman and similar researchers into our daily lives, we may gain insight into our predisposition towards either learned helplessness or learned optimism. By examining our personal tendencies and how we perceive the world, we can discern whether we habitually feel powerless and victimised by our circumstances or if we actively pursue change in unhappy or challenging conditions.
Interestingly, if one holds the belief that change is impossible, attempts to persuade them otherwise may likely be futile.
Therefore, let's explore this topic from a different perspective.
It's often remarked that we develop a peculiar attachment to our suffering, finding it oddly comforting because the alternative entails change, which can feel unsettling. Consequently, many individuals opt to remain in unhappy situations, whether in relationships or jobs, rather than risk venturing into the unknown.
Furthermore, during our recent group life coaching supervision session, we pondered a profound question:
'Who am I without my story?'
This inquiry lies at the heart of my book, 'How Did I Get Here?', where I guide readers through the conditioning process that shapes our identities. We cling to narratives constructed from past experiences, convincing ourselves that they define who we are.
How to Cultivate Optimism and Resilience
So, how do we break free from learned helplessness and foster a more positive, resilient mindset?
Enter neuroplasticity and the insights of thinkers like Rick Hansen.
One concept that resonates particularly well from Hansen's work is the idea of "Turning Towards the Good." In essence, this involves consciously training ourselves to view life's events in a more balanced and wholesome manner. It doesn't mean adopting an artificially sunny disposition or pretending that everything is perfect when it's not. Rather, it's about taking ownership of our lives, reducing unhealthy negativity, and actively seeking out the positives that surround us, amidst the prevalent negatives in our world.
Things you can do to help you break free from ‘learned helplessness’
If I were to suggest that certain aspects of our lives are deliberately designed to foster feelings of helplessness, would you dismiss it as a conspiracy theory?
However, consider this:
When was the last time you turned on the news and heard uplifting stories? When did you last open a newspaper and read about the wonders of the world?
The prevailing narrative often paints a picture of a society in decline, but let's add some perspective. Not long ago, children as young as three were working underground in mines, and women had severely limited rights. In 1914, a mere 15% of the UK population owned homes; today, that figure stands at over 68%.
Now, I'm not suggesting that life today is flawless, but the truth is, life has never been perfect. So, we face a choice: Do we allow ourselves to be consumed by negativity, or do we make a concerted effort to see the beauty that surrounds us?
And how do we do that?
We can start by consciously focusing on the positive and turning away from the negative.
We can cultivate gratitude, especially if we're fortunate enough to live in a country that meets our basic needs.
We can learn to shift our energy. When we're feeling low, we can get up and move—dance, take a walk, or engage in activities that uplift us—and observe how our energy shifts.
And perhaps most importantly, we can switch off the barrage of bad news. Thich Nhat Hanh teaches us the importance of guarding our mental diet, detoxifying our minds from the constant influx of negativity. Some may view this as irresponsible, but I challenge you to consider: What good are we doing by allowing ourselves to be consumed by all the negativity?
The last and perhaps most transformative step we can take is to cultivate kindness towards ourselves and recognise that we are not alone in facing difficulties—many people around us also struggle. By approaching our pain with compassion rather than harsh self-judgment, we can ease our journey through challenging times.
In my life coaching practice, I typically guide my clients through the following steps:
Raise awareness of their habitual thought patterns and how these patterns can either foster feelings of helplessness or empower them.
Assist them in tapping into their innate inner resourcefulness, which is often buried beneath layers of self-doubt and conditioning.
Provide support as they work towards achieving their goals and fulfilling their desires.
By following these steps, individuals can cultivate greater self-awareness, resilience, and a sense of self-empowerment in their lives.
Now, let me pose a question:
Do you recognise the presence of 'learned helplessness' within yourself, and if so, how is it impacting the quality of your life?
Imagine for a moment if you could begin to train yourself to lean towards the positive, to become more optimistic and resilient—how might that transform your life for the better?
If you find yourself in need of help with this transformative journey, I'm here to extend an invitation:
Why not take a step forward and experience a complimentary life coaching taster session with me?
Together, we can explore ways to break free from the sense of limitation and empower you to live a more fulfilling life.
Don't hesitate—seize the opportunity and book your taster session today.
If life coaching isn't your thing, I also offer two self-paced online courses that you might find useful: The Break Up and The Fix Up.
Now over to you—will you take the first step to breaking free from learned helplessness?